"Amma, I wish you to be with me always"

Avadhoota Nadananda

(from Autobiography of an Avadhoota")

I had two more Gurubhais (males initiated by the same Guru are considered brothers). One of them was very much envious of me because I always stayed with Amma. He used to come on weekends or holidays as he was working in a college. The other brother was young and energetic, simple, loving, cooperative, and non-demanding. Once I was sitting near Amma under a tree during an afternoon, both of them came and after doing namaskars, they sat near Amma. The first person, the one who was envious of me, brought some fruits and sweets, and as usual, Amma offered them to the animals. On Amma's whistle, a fox, a dog, and two rabbits appeared from nowhere and fed on the fruits. That was the first time I had seen a dog eating fruit. There were some leftover fruits and sweets, which I thought Amma would give all of us as prasadam; however, Amma told the brother who was working in the college to give the leftovers to the animals at his house. We could not understand why she told him that and were surprised. As it was nearing sunset both my brothers were ready to leave, but Amma told them to wait for a while. She asked the brother who was working in a college, "What are you expecting from me?" He asked Amma, "Amma, I wish you to be with me in your last days, I will keep your Samadhi at my home." Amma agreed and granted the wish.

She immediately asked the younger brother, "What about you?" and he replied politely, "Amma, with your blessings, I would like to be an Avadhoota like you." With a smile, Amma granted him his wish. Lastly, she turned towards me with a smile and asked, "Ninte icha entha?" ("What is your wish?")

Amma Taramayee

At that moment I felt as if the earth was moving away from me. I was trembling, shivering, and could not even swallow saliva as my throat had dried up completely, it took a few moments for me to say, "Amma, I wish you to be with me always, always, till the end of my life." I could not see anything at that moment as my eyes were fully filled with tears flowing down my chees like a gushing river. Amma opened her arms and embraced me with all affection and love. It was an unforgettable incident of my life; I noticed that there were tears of my Amma which had purified my back while she was embracing me. This caring touch of my Guruji always stays with me. Amma said, "Yes! This was the moment I was waiting for; one needs my body which does not have any value, the other needs my capacity, and you, my son, you need me, only me. So I am with you, I will always be with you forever and ever." There was a disturbing silence for a while and my brothers left. I stayed with Amma and Amma with me.