"My Guruji was with me, is with me, and will be with me"; we need to try to avoid engaging Divine in fulfilling our mundane desires

 

Avadhoota Nadananda on the banks of Narmada

(from "Autobiography of an Avadhoota - part 2"):

Avadhoota Nadananda: Looking back, I realize that the wounds in my heart are yet to heal from the dearth of proper responsive devotion so far. The difficulty with love which transforms only later into devotion is that it knows only one language, it cannot learn any other tongue. And that means you can deal with it only if you know its language. It cannot answer you in the language of your choice and will be like a mute child.

From childhood to my age now, I have struggled and suffered a lot. And other than my Guruji's great gift to me - the inclination and opportunity to serve others and live for them, I gathered no material gain in life other than the treasure of experiences, some good and some bad, but all of the full of meaning. If I chose to weigh them, I would say the bitter ones will be heavier than the sweet ones. The farewell message of departing atmas or souls, to the living atmas, has been to not be under the illusion that this world is the sweetest one. Human life is a payback trip. When I contemplate on my struggles, it is easy to understand that this could only have been due to the effect of my karmas and by extension, those of the others. We might have perhaps done wrong to those people who are now settling scores with us in this birth or janma. No jiva has the capacity to predict anything about the gati [path] of karma. So perfect are His rules.

One thing I know for certain is that even with all the bitter experiences, I have enjoyed this life as a sweet one, as grace or prasadam offered to me by my Guruji.

Whenever I felt I was falling, there would be my Guruji to give me a helping hand. She would have never ever permitted me to fall. Whenever there were tears in my eyes, her loving hands would appear on my face to wipe them. Whenever I was in a bad mood, I could hear her laughter to cheer me up. Before my clothes wore out, I was provided with new ones. Whenever I was hungry, there would appear the good food I deserved. Before I had to worry about the shelter, she opened up new mansions for me to stay in. Whenever I fell ill, she appeared in the form of a doctor with a stethoscope, carrying packs of suitable medicine, sometimes even barefooted. She seemed to declare those beautiful words [BG 9.22]: yoga-kṣhemaṁ vahāmyaham - "I carry the burden of your needs" if you remember me with passionate love.

When she is with me every step of the way, why should I even pause to consider whether my life has been successful or accomplished? During the critical days of my sadhana in the Himalayas and elsewhere, she was with me like a shadow. Sometimes just behind me protecting, and sometimes in front guiding like a beacon light to show the path. Everywhere, at every moment, and in every event...my Guruji was with me, is with me, and will be with me.

Though we may recount only the memorable and significant events of achievement in our lives, it is important however to remember that our scriptures have attached more importance to the simple events that demonstrate the depth of love. One day I had a sudden desire to eat date fruit (khajoor). I asked one of my disciples if they were available in the house where I was staying. She replied, "Yes, I am sure they must be in the kitchen's pantry, I shall get them for you."

But something else came up, and we both disconnected from that thought. Yet even till the evening, my disciple could not get around to find the dates for me, perhaps it had slipped from her memory. The same evening another disciple came to meet me with his family, and I saw a packet in his hand. It is the usual practice with my disciples that they bring fruits, flowers, or something useful to me when they grace me with a visit, as busy as the world is today. They offered me the packet, and, to my wonderment, when I opened it, I found that it contained dates. Believe me, I burst into tears for entertaining such a desire. It was only after this happened that the first disciple was able to now suddenly remember her commitment!

What should I glean from this incident? I do know one thing: that since at every moment my Guruji is with me, she also knows of my iccha or desire to eat a particular thing. And although it had not been served in time, surely it was Amma who had planted the impulse in the second disciple's mind to pick up that thing I was craving. This is not to be counted as a miracle. The Guru is a paramanta. Nothing is impossible for a Guru. Even the smallest iccha of this ignorant child of Amma is fulfilled by her through her icchashakti. But the lesson here for a sadhaka is to not always keep trying to engage divinity in fulfilling worldly needs. Those are possible to be fulfilled with the help of mortals. One should aspire for the higher aspects of human life, possible only through the absolute grace of divinity.

Knowing my Guru as sarvantharyami (Inner ruler of everything), that I did not need to ask to fulfill my needs, I used to keep away my iccha from myself. Yet being a human, the mind sometimes does pop up with certain icchas which can lead to bitter encounters. There may then be dissatisfaction or overindulgence, negative reactions, side effects, and undesirable outcomes. When the iccha or rather an itch is not treated or fulfilled with proper effort or means, object or method, then there is bound to be a disappointment, depression, or anger, So beware of the mechanism of scratching that itch. [Srimad Bhagavatam 11.8.44]: āśā hi paramaṁ duḥkhaṁ nairāśyaṁ paramaṁ sukham - "Desire is the greatest misery; the desireless state is utmost bliss", there are such sayings in the scriptures.

The cause of all miseries is trishna, moham, iccha - desire, thirst, longing, illusion. Bear in mind that here niraasha does not mean disappointment as is commonly understood, but it is the condition of being asha rahita - or a level of detachment, a stage of no needs. If you talk about having a certain outlook, attitude, or way of dealing with day-to-day needs, that implies the existence of iccha, You should be satisfied with what you are, with what you get, with what you eat...That was my disposition during my Himalayan life, during my intense sadhana.