Body, as the instrument for sadhana, should be properly taken care of

Avadhoota Nadananda

(from Autobiography of an Avadhoota")

Avadhoota Nadananda: It was the evening hour when the sun had not yet reached the western sky. But as usual in the Himalayan hills, it was getting dark. I was doing japa. But I was very hungry. My body was shivering a little bit from weakness. To my wonder, I once again saw my Guruji in front of me. This time around it was not night nor was I sleeping. I stopped my japa and stood up with difficulty. My Guruji held my hands and lifted me from the asan and embraced me with all warmth and affection. As usual, I was crying. She put her hand into the pocket of her 'alphy' and took a medium-sized packet, wrapped in leaves, and gave it to me, and in an aggressive voice, she started scolding me, "I haven't sent you to the Himalayas for dying! Who told you not to eat anything?! You stupid boy, you are disturbing my mind, again and again, doing such nonsense.

Don't repeat such acts in the future. If you want to do sadhana, you must eat something. I told you earlier that this body is the instrument for sadhana. If you don't keep your room neat, clean, and tidy, how can you sit in it? Likewise, your body should be clean and neat; eat properly and do your sadhana. I never thought you were so stupid!"

Scolding, she asked me to sit and she also sat near me. The packet she gave me was in my hands. I was yet to open it. She took the packet back in her hands and opened it. Aha, the aroma of rice and sambar rushed my nose. I was amazed how Amma had come with rice and sambar! It was unbelievable. She opened the rice packet, packed in leaves, and mixing with her own hands, she slowly started feeding me. 

I wept, and looking at me Amma started scolding again, "You are an idiot, no doubt. I am here and now with you, feeding you with my own hands, yet you cry. What for? See I am alive, not dead. Even If I were dead, you know very well that I would be with you. Don't be foolish. Sit quiet and eat properly." There was no end to my tears. She lifted her hand and with her alphy she dried my tears once, twice, thrice. But in my mind, there was a guilty feeling that because of me Amma had been put into trouble. I made her travel all the way from Mookambika (Southern India) to me; since I had not been eating and was weak she had to come. This is the same with all Gurus. Whenever the disciples are in distress, the Guru runs towards the disciple to help.

Amma kept on feeding me. I saw that because of old age her hands were shivering. It was too much for me to bear. Never had I got such affection from anywhere, even from my own mother who gave birth to me. I was unable to control my tears. By this time I had probably eaten half of the rice and sambar. I signaled to Amma with my hand that I needed no more, but she was not ready to stop feeding me. 

Just like a mother taking care of feeding her small child, she was coaxing me to eat a little more, a little more. After a few fistfuls of morsels, I stopped eating, and I said to Amma, "You have not taken any food, Amma." She laughed and said, "She would never eat first". As mentioned earlier, she would feed birds, reptiles, rabbits, dogs, ants, even serpents, and then me, and only after that would she take a little bit. I considered my Amma as the embodiment of goddesses Annapoorna, Lakshmi, Saraswati, Durga, and others. While taking the remaining food from the plantain leaf she again said, "I think you can now move to Gangotri. Remember, Gangotri is extremely cold. Stay there in some safe place and don't forget to eat something daily. You should not do upavasa, if you do so, it will be trouble for me, and I have to come all the way to feed you. So do not do any such stupidity in future." (After that I stopped doing upavas during my stay in the Himalayas.)

She took my hand in her hands for a few minutes. I felt as if some current were passing through my whole body. My body shook for some moments. The removing her hand from mine, she disappeared just the way she had appeared. This was my last meeting with my Guruji in this form during my Himalayan days. She never appeared in her own form thenceforth. But I had many experiences of her presence in other forms. 

My Guruji was a Siddha Avadhoot. She could easily assume any form and be able to appear anywhere at any time. I know that whatever experiences I had during my Himalayan days are only due to her blessings. 

I sat for some more time in the quietness at the ghat, mentally preparing for the journey to Gangotri the next day...